{"id":520,"date":"2020-01-20T23:53:36","date_gmt":"2020-01-21T05:53:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yourock.fyi\/?p=520"},"modified":"2020-01-21T00:03:30","modified_gmt":"2020-01-21T06:03:30","slug":"addressing-life-changes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/?p=520","title":{"rendered":"Addressing Life Changes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I have been with my current spouse since December 2011.  I moved from Montana to Illinois to start a new life, ultimately with her.  In February of this year, most of that comes to an end: she has sought out and aquired a job teaching English in Korea.<\/p>\n<p>This is one of those things I am resigned to.  It is what she needs to be happy and better chase her best self.  Even if I did not care for it (and in many ways I don&#8217;t) I can&#8217;t stop her from going.  Frustratingly, I don&#8217;t even know when she will be back.  She may be back in a year; she may return to the states in four years to renew her Visa.  In the interim, it will be up to me to raise our three children while also finding a way to take care of our already troubled finances.  Or, perhaps I should correct, my finances.<\/p>\n<p>I can admit that I have been selfish.  Especially in the last couple of years I&#8217;ve made the decision to view media or read books that were considered &#8220;taboo&#8221; and I am a lot less &#8220;careful&#8221; to whom I speak with, all issues that constitute cheating in this relationship.  I disagree that these were all things I agreed to when I signed up for this relationship, but it is clear that they were tenants she held close that I couldn&#8217;t adhere to.<\/p>\n<p>And yes, unlike my spouse, I am a felon (ironically due to a crime directly tied to our struggling finances) which in some way makes me less deserving of being in a relationship, and she could definitely do better.  I know the last couple of years of her working after not needing to for the last four previous has been a point of contention.  Perhaps had I made better life choices I could have gone with her. To be fair, the idea I would have thrown everything away to move to another country is disrespectful and appaling in it&#8217;s own right, and I imagine we would still have the same issues just in another country.<\/p><div class=\"a99d68d66f4793561dba35187d5f89e7\" data-index=\"1\" style=\"float: none; margin:10px 0 10px 0; text-align:center;\">\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block; text-align:center;\"\r\n     data-ad-layout=\"in-article\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"fluid\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-0579594856611480\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"5408359957\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\n<\/div>\n\n<p>Or something.  Look, I am going to continue to be as respectful of my spouse&#8217;s choices as I can be, for my sanity and for my children.  But I am done making excuses and I am done hiding it.  I am done feeling alone and being treated like I only exist as some sort of servant who has to take care of everything but also is never taking care of things correctly.  If someone doesn&#8217;t want to be with me and feels the best way to remove themselves from their responsibilities is to also forsake their career and their children, so be it.  I will find a way to take care of things in their absence.  I don&#8217;t care if I have to donate plasma twice a week, file for bankruptcy, and figure out some different employment options and\/or living situations.  My children deserve to have a parent that doesn&#8217;t hide from them.  And frankly I deserve to live an environment that doesn&#8217;t treat me like a criminal.<\/p>\n<p>Some very large changes are coming.  I can&#8217;t see what all of them are.  I will try to maintain what I can and also try to remember what my goals are for the year so that I don&#8217;t become stagnate.  I need to be the best I can be during this time for myself and for my children.<\/p>\n<p>My spouse has decided to leave.   I am done making excuses for her.  She can make her own decisions.  Hope she understands I am going to minimize the pain to our children the very best I can.<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile I am so damn overwhelmed.  Just trying to take things a step at a time.  Trying not to become one of those bitter men who speaks ill of an ex all the time (indeed, we haven&#8217;t even discussed any form of separation so there&#8217;s that as well.)<\/p>\n<p>I hate the anxiety.  It is literally killing me.  The uncertainty of it all.<\/p>\n\n<div style=\"font-size: 0px; height: 0px; line-height: 0px; margin: 0; padding: 0; clear: both;\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I have been with my current spouse since December 2011. I moved from Montana to Illinois to start a new life, ultimately with her. In February of this year, most of that comes to an end: she has sought out and aquired a job teaching English in Korea. This is one of those things I am resigned to. It is what she needs to be happy and better chase her best self. Even if I did not care for it (and in many ways I don&#8217;t) I can&#8217;t stop her from going. Frustratingly, I don&#8217;t even know when she will be back. She may be back in a year; she may return to the states in four years to renew her Visa. In the interim, it will be up to me to raise our three children while also finding a way to take care of our already troubled finances. Or, perhaps I should correct, my finances. I can admit that I have been selfish. Especially in the last couple of years I&#8217;ve made the decision to view media or read books that were considered &#8220;taboo&#8221; and I am a lot less &#8220;careful&#8221; to whom I speak with, all issues that constitute cheating in this relationship. I disagree that these were all things I agreed to when I signed up for this relationship, but it is clear that they were tenants she held close that I couldn&#8217;t adhere to. And yes, unlike my spouse, I am a felon (ironically due to a crime directly tied to our struggling finances) which in some way makes me less deserving of being in a relationship, and she could definitely do better. I know the last couple of years of her working after not needing to for the last four previous has been a point of contention. Perhaps had I made better life choices I could have gone with her. To be fair, the idea I would have thrown everything away to move to another country is disrespectful and appaling in it&#8217;s own right, and I imagine we would still have the same issues just in another country. Or something. Look, I am going to continue to be as respectful of my spouse&#8217;s choices as I can be, for my sanity and for my children. But I am done making excuses and I am done hiding it. I am done feeling alone and being treated like I only exist as some sort of servant who has to take care of everything but also is never taking care of things correctly. If someone doesn&#8217;t want to be with me and feels the best way to remove themselves from their responsibilities is to also forsake their career and their children, so be it. I will find a way to take care of things in their absence. I don&#8217;t care if I have to donate plasma twice a week, file for bankruptcy, and figure out some different employment options and\/or living situations. My children deserve to have a parent that doesn&#8217;t hide from them. And frankly I deserve to live an environment that doesn&#8217;t treat me like a criminal. Some very large changes are coming. I can&#8217;t see what all of them are. I will try to maintain what I can and also try to remember what my goals are for the year so that I don&#8217;t become stagnate. I need to be the best I can be during this time for myself and for my children. My spouse has decided to leave. I am done making excuses for her. She can make her own decisions. Hope she understands I am going to minimize the pain to our children the very best I can. Meanwhile I am so damn overwhelmed. Just trying to take things a step at a time. Trying not to become one of those bitter men who speaks ill of an ex all the time (indeed, we haven&#8217;t even discussed any form of separation so there&#8217;s that as well.) I hate the anxiety. It is literally killing me. The uncertainty of it all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-520","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-update"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","acf":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=520"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":523,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520\/revisions\/523"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=520"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=520"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=520"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}