{"id":1395,"date":"2023-10-17T00:27:38","date_gmt":"2023-10-17T06:27:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/?p=1395"},"modified":"2023-10-17T00:38:37","modified_gmt":"2023-10-17T06:38:37","slug":"the-fire-persists-and-so-do-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/?p=1395","title":{"rendered":"The Fire Persists &#8211; And So Do I"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n<p>Rumors of my death have been surprisingly accurate.  Those same rumors do little to shine light on my rebirth.  The real question is, will I be a zombie which has found himself in reasonable circumstances that I am destined to desecrate&#8230; or some sort of bird with flames that does the resurrection thing.  <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>In the last year, my life has changed significantly.   I have moved my family from a 2 star hotel to a program for homeless families that allowed me to eventually get into my own apartment.   I have gone through significant therapy, allowing me to address some short comings and some significant trauma.  I have found employment that works with my schedule, that isn&#8217;t what I would like to be doing but is at least with a crew of people I don&#8217;t mind suffering with.  Things are, in many ways, stable.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>My writing has made me some money, and I continue to improve upon it.  This has not been without some obstacles of its own, which I&#8217;ll address later in this update, but just the fact that I have been able to improve my life to the point I can make money off of a hobby is a significant step in the direction I need to be heading.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>This has been a good year, all things considered.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>It has also been a year that has had me addressing some very significant demons in my life, several significant concerns for how I live it, and questioning the best way to get to where I can go compared to where I would like to.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Finalized the divorce, which puts me in a better place to take care of my kids, yet also came with its own baggage.  It does allow my ex to be in a position to better her goals, which is important, and the truth of the matter is I do wish her well.  Ultimately, I need to ensure that if I find myself in a relationship again in the future I choose to be more honest with myself, and by proxy with whomever I choose to be with.  The separation does allow a lot of resentment and anger to heal, but with that comes the remembrance that there are two people in a relationship and in this failed marriage I was absolutely one of them.  <\/p><div class=\"a99d68d66f4793561dba35187d5f89e7\" data-index=\"1\" style=\"float: none; margin:10px 0 10px 0; text-align:center;\">\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block; text-align:center;\"\r\n     data-ad-layout=\"in-article\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"fluid\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-0579594856611480\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"5408359957\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\n<\/div>\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Dealing with the mental health side of things has not been easy.  I was concerned about side effects; I should have been concerned about stirring up ghosts I&#8217;ve been avoiding for decades.  Some of what I have dealt with should not be brought upon others.   Some of what I have done should never be done, to others or otherwise.  The past can be a hard thing to break ahold of, and I have a long history of just ignoring it.  Without addressing it, I can never grow.  And it is clear that I need to continue to grow.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>I had a story on Kindle Vella that was doing okay, and I began the editing process to see if I could get a &#8216;book 1&#8217; out.  The beta reading process revealed something that threw a wrench in those plans.  Generally speaking, the first half was well received, but the second part was not.  Like, at all.  Doing a rework on it now, but there was about a month period that I just&#8230; drifted and didn&#8217;t touch it.  Kind of throws everything off.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Just gotta grab that demon by horns again, China Shop be damned.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>The last couple of months there has been a loss of support as I take on more of my life responsibilities on myself.  I need to ensure I am not falling behind on bad habits and continue to work on moving forward.  Ensure that I am socializing with individuals who will help me grow both creatively and as a person.  Avoid mindless internet drama, even as I feel so at home with it.  Plant seeds and ensure they grow, not just eat grass and complain there is manure in it.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>I suspect in the coming weeks I&#8217;ll be using this blog more.  The voices in the back of my mind have a lot to say, and while most of it isn&#8217;t important I might as well put it out there.  I&#8217;ll be reviewing more media, talking about some indie franchises I care about and am invested in, supporting friends and acquaintances who are working on their own projects, and ultimately trying to grow myself less as a brand and more as a person.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>If I can just get over the molasses of morose that surrounds my day to day.  Seriously, it feels like the air I walk through is heavier than the air I breath.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Perhaps I am more undead than I thought.<\/p>\r\n\n<div style=\"font-size: 0px; height: 0px; line-height: 0px; margin: 0; padding: 0; clear: both;\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rumors of my death have been surprisingly accurate. Those same rumors do little to shine light on my rebirth. The real question is, will I be a zombie which has found himself in reasonable circumstances that I am destined to desecrate&#8230; or some sort of bird with flames that does the resurrection thing. In the last year, my life has changed significantly. I have moved my family from a 2 star hotel to a program for homeless families that allowed me to eventually get into my own apartment. I have gone through significant therapy, allowing me to address some short comings and some significant trauma. I have found employment that works with my schedule, that isn&#8217;t what I would like to be doing but is at least with a crew of people I don&#8217;t mind suffering with. Things are, in many ways, stable. My writing has made me some money, and I continue to improve upon it. This has not been without some obstacles of its own, which I&#8217;ll address later in this update, but just the fact that I have been able to improve my life to the point I can make money off of a hobby is a significant step in the direction I need to be heading. This has been a good year, all things considered. It has also been a year that has had me addressing some very significant demons in my life, several significant concerns for how I live it, and questioning the best way to get to where I can go compared to where I would like to. Finalized the divorce, which puts me in a better place to take care of my kids, yet also came with its own baggage. It does allow my ex to be in a position to better her goals, which is important, and the truth of the matter is I do wish her well. Ultimately, I need to ensure that if I find myself in a relationship again in the future I choose to be more honest with myself, and by proxy with whomever I choose to be with. The separation does allow a lot of resentment and anger to heal, but with that comes the remembrance that there are two people in a relationship and in this failed marriage I was absolutely one of them. Dealing with the mental health side of things has not been easy. I was concerned about side effects; I should have been concerned about stirring up ghosts I&#8217;ve been avoiding for decades. Some of what I have dealt with should not be brought upon others. Some of what I have done should never be done, to others or otherwise. The past can be a hard thing to break ahold of, and I have a long history of just ignoring it. Without addressing it, I can never grow. And it is clear that I need to continue to grow. I had a story on Kindle Vella that was doing okay, and I began the editing process to see if I could get a &#8216;book 1&#8217; out. The beta reading process revealed something that threw a wrench in those plans. Generally speaking, the first half was well received, but the second part was not. Like, at all. Doing a rework on it now, but there was about a month period that I just&#8230; drifted and didn&#8217;t touch it. Kind of throws everything off. Just gotta grab that demon by horns again, China Shop be damned. The last couple of months there has been a loss of support as I take on more of my life responsibilities on myself. I need to ensure I am not falling behind on bad habits and continue to work on moving forward. Ensure that I am socializing with individuals who will help me grow both creatively and as a person. Avoid mindless internet drama, even as I feel so at home with it. Plant seeds and ensure they grow, not just eat grass and complain there is manure in it. I suspect in the coming weeks I&#8217;ll be using this blog more. The voices in the back of my mind have a lot to say, and while most of it isn&#8217;t important I might as well put it out there. I&#8217;ll be reviewing more media, talking about some indie franchises I care about and am invested in, supporting friends and acquaintances who are working on their own projects, and ultimately trying to grow myself less as a brand and more as a person. If I can just get over the molasses of morose that surrounds my day to day. Seriously, it feels like the air I walk through is heavier than the air I breath. Perhaps I am more undead than I thought.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1394,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1395","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-update"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/AI_Generative_Art-1697522064437-1.png","acf":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1395","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1395"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1395\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1398,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1395\/revisions\/1398"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1394"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1395"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1395"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.selcouth.fyi\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1395"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}